Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
