Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
