it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
