Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
