her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
