were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
