just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
