Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize