Sponge bath it is.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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