he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
