Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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