There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
