Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can Purell be used as lube?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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