Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize