it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
