he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
