Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
