I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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