Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
