if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Randomize
