I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize