That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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