Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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