I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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