Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
