I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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