I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Come on in and take your pants off
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