He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
another moral hangover. fuck.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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