It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Never let your siblings swipe right.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
