you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
