Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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