You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have aggressive nipples.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
