i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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