Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
