how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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