We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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