if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
