I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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