i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
