Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
