we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
