I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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