i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If I die, sorry about rent.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
