i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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