Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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