there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
