Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
