I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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