Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
