why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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