apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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