Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize