woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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