Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
