so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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