Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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