Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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