I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
