May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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