Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
