He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
