The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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